Thursday, January 20, 2011

I shouldn't have to put the seat down! I DEMAND EQUALITY!


I heard this recently from a man who was bothered by his wife constantly demanding that he put the damn toilet seat down after he uses it.

"Why?!" he says. "We both use the toilet, why should I bear the burden of putting the seat down?! Why don't you put the seat UP after you use it?!"

Here's why, you stupid man.

a) You also sit on the toilet with the seat down, when you want to go #2. So are the rest of us supposed to guess whether the next time you come in, you're going #1, or #2? Should we ask you before we enter to do our business? Would you even know?

b) More importantly, while such an argument sounds solid at first, you just need to do a little thinking to find the problem.

Why are you standing up, man? You can sit down like the rest of us, yet you choose to stand. Presumably because it's more convenient. Presumably because you think it's fun to aim.

Now, you put the seat up usually, to make sure you don't pee on it if your aim is shitty, as you very well should. So you should put the seat down.

YOU, man, enjoy touching the toilet seat to put it up, because it affords you the luxury of standing up and peeing, without having to clean the sprinkles off the seat the next time you need to sit down.

I, however, do not. I have no need or inclination to touch the seat. That's you. Therefore, you can expend just a LITTLE more thought and energy, to put it back down.

Okay? Okay.

If I have to deal with your piss-droplets on the rim of the toilet (unless you clean it, in which case, good on you, but still gross), you can put the bloody seat down.


  1. No disagreements whatsoever. I'm going to have this printed and plasticized so I can put it up in every mixed bathroom I come across.

    And no worries, I'll highlight your name and add your blog link. Prepare for traffic! ;)

    I'm thinking of having it tattoed as well. Would that be too much?

  2. Just be glad you've never needed to enter a men's room stall (I hope)...horror, pure horror. It's like they aim *for* the seat.

    I do my part though, I sit when I pee. Plenty of guys would call me a fag for doing that but you know, I could care less, I rather not splatter piss everywhere I go like a dog, thank you.

  3. Stories; Lol. Maybe just a *little* too much. However, it would be easier to just show it to someone than articulate how and why they should pee sitting down every time.

    Diego; This is why I like you. Well.. not *just* this, obviously.

    Guys call bloody anything 'gay'. Even completely unrelated things. You sit when you pee? You obviously like dick in the bum! You shave your chest?! DICK IN THE BUM. It's an obsession.

  4. Hahaha, my boyfriend tells me lovely stories of his trips to public mens bathroom.

  5. Diego, they don't aim for the the seat, they aim for the FLOOR! Seriously, I have to stand about two feet away.

    When I'm at home, I sit, just because it's comfy :)

  6. Guis. I'm so happy to learn that there do exist men who pee sitting down.

    *tears of joy*

  7. Hahahaha!!!!1st time here, and def not a bad 1st read!!!!

  8. William; That's a rad name you got there.. and I liked the piece. :)

    T.Notes + Mama; Lol, I'm glad you guys like it!

  9. that made me chuckle and i do not normally chuckle

  10. I prefer the eastern toilets.
    And no I am not from stone age!

  11. I will be bookmarking this, just so that I have a ready resource the next time that this argument ensues...

  12. individual; :D I'm glad.

    Ali; Mmm, me too. Much better than having to sit on a seat upon which other buttocks have sat. Unsanitary.

    Kitty; If I can stop even one man from leaving the seat up (or at least acting as though it is rational behaviour), I will have done my duty to women everywhere. And possibly other like-minded men, too.

  13. Equality would be the wrong term as equality would dictate that you are free to leave the seat how you choose to leave it. When you bend someone to your will, ie; forcing one to put the seat down, the you have taken his equal right to keep it up away.

    Ask me to do it and ill do my best to remember, tell me or demand that i do it, well ill tell you it just as easy for you to do as it is for me.

  14. The 'equality' thing was not my choice of words, it's what the guy in question said.

    "Free to leave it how you choose to leave it" is stupid. It's about common courtesy, and the courteous thing to do, logically, is to leave it down, as stated.

    I just explained how it's in fact, NOT "just as easy", and if you still don't get it, well, I can't help you.

  15. People should just all put the lid down because when you flush with the lid up water particles carrying little bits of everything that's in the toilet spread up to five metres away.

    This is especially important if your toilet is in the same room as say your toothbrushes.

  16. This is ridiculous, sure its common courtesy to put the toilet seat down, but its also common sense to look before you sit down to make you don't fall in. You cant expect everyone to be courteous all the time. Are you just going to walk into a door if some guy doesn't open it for you?
    And this is from someone who puts the seat down too.

    1. I'm not talking about EVERYONE, I'm talking about people you co-habit with. If you cannot be courteous to the people you co-habit with, you should not be co-habiting. It's basic manners and decency. If one chooses not to act in basic civil fashion, one must be ready to admit that one is an oaf, and not deserving of similar courtesies from others.


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