Thursday, August 18, 2011

Baby butts.

I have long since had to swallow my disgust at the apparent prevalence of naked baby arses on television.

In everything from diaper ads, to moisturiser ads, marketers think the naked posteriors of miniature humans is the strongest selling point.

It's not cool. I'm not sure why advertising companies have deemed it okay, and even more unsure about why the general public has accepted it.

This is how baby butts are portrayed in the media. All airbrushed and pink and resting on plush carpet, I bet you think it looks just darling..

But do you know what it looked like a few moments prior?

A fountain of feces.

Because that's what butts are. I'm at a loss as to why baby bottoms are treated differently to adult bottoms. All bottoms, of all species, excrete waste, and most people find this disgusting. Yet are adult bottoms displayed in, say, Depends ads? Are adult bottoms displayed in panty-liner ads?

In no way is a crack of any kind, young or old, acceptable to me, because I know exactly what comes out of it.

Everybody knows, but they choose to ignore it.

The worst offenders? Baby-wipe ads. They are even more brazen. They actually show a hand, with a wipe in it, wiping the baby's crack. They are just inviting you to envision what the wipe is wiping, and what the wipe is covered in after the wiping has ended.

It's enough to make me dry-retch. I'm having a bit of a dry-retch just talking about it.

Everytime one coos and sighs indulgently at a baby's bottom, it is a willful denial of the knowledge that gross, unspeakable semi-solids exit the very body part you so adore, regularly.

It's a denial of the truth, and I am sick of it.

No longer do I want to be subjected to baby bottoms. No more.

They're not cute, they are yucky. If you like them, you are part of this baby-ass epidemic, and I condemn you.


  1. well that's the job of the media-to make something look good.
    and i think baby butts are adorable. because they aren't as dirty as adult butts.

  2. They're dirtier! At least we know how to wipe!

  3. I hope those working in marketing don't use the "if it's not as dirty as an adult butt, it's cute" rule.

    What I hope may not be equal to what actually happens.

  4. I'm going to laugh if you become a mom and think your little baby has a super cute naked butt.

    BTW even adult butts aren't always gross. When engaging in a sexual relationship I doubt anyone is looking at their partners naked butt and thinking about the waste it produces.

  5. I take it you're not a butt person then?!
    While I respect that position I'm on the butts-wagon (ha!) as long as they're clean. That is adult butts though. Clean butts are fun butts in my book. Clean baby butts are... just funny like babies in general.

  6. Hurray! A non-religious-y and somewhat humorous post once more!

  7. I'm lost for words on what you've stated in this post; I take it that you don't understand the reasoning behind "baby butts". The reasoning behind "baby butts" is the fact that they are not hairy and they are smooth when cleaned. The majority of adults remember when they were younger having no hair on their body and their body being youthful, clean, and "sexy". This is what sells.

    You're an Australian so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, Hannah and in America we cherish youthfulness here.

  8. Chia; LOL, that seems highly unlikely. Also, I hate butts. All butts, all the time, unless clothed. Naked butts DO disgust me, for that reason. Perhaps I have I am slightly feces-phobic?

    Stars; LOL, definitely not! I hate butts, and butts, presumably, hate me.

    Bad; ;D

  9. Well, this was surely a pleasure to read over dinner. At least I'm glad I chucked the tv out a while ago...

  10. This was funny and I agree about butts and nakey butts. The difference is that baby butts look like pig butts.....fat, juicy and pink...ha ha ha!!

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