Transformers 3 - Michael Bay is all kinds of chauvinist pig.

Last night I went and watched Transformers 3 - Dark of the Moon.

Now, I love Transformers, usually. But Michael Bay, the steaming turd, ruined what would otherwise have been an epic movie, by inserting his pointless sexist bullshit.

At first I didn't really care that he replaced Megan Fox with a similarly smoking hot girl who is way out of Shia LaBeouf's league. But I just lost my shit when it came to pass that this one was even more of a useless prop than the last one.

At least the earlier Transformers movies had Megan Fox DO something. Drive a truck backwards through rubble-littered streets, with a crippled transformer shooting shit to hell? That was badass. She contributed, at the very least. Even though she did it in skimpy outfits, perfect makeup, and suggestive body language, she contributed. 

New Girl, on the other hand... she is there to look sexy, to play the hapless victim, to provide the male lead an opportunity to show off his machismo, and to be the naive girl who accepts a Mercedes from her boss and believes that his intentions are purely platonic. The entirety of her dialogue consists of this;

 "Saaaave meeee Saaaammm!"

She is about a foot taller than him. SAVE YOURSELF, YOU AMAZONIAN IDIOT.

And what's more, not only does she do nothing of value in the entire movie, she actually hinders the main character in his noble pursuits.

"NO, Sam, don't go and save your friend! Stay here with meee!", all whilst clinging to his arm like an abandoned toddler.

In a pathetic and misguided attempt to add substance to this girl's dialogue, Bay then has her totter up to Megatron and tell him that he is Sentinel's bitch.

Oh, wise move! It's not as though the dude has a gigantic metal fist trained on your dainty little face, or anything. Do you have a death wish?

The only reason she isn't smushed like an insect? A convenient and timely distraction, so she can scurry away unscathed. Charming.

During the scenes where she is running to escape monstrous metal beasts, I was at least relieved to see that they did not have her attempt that in the ridiculous high heels she'd been wearing for the rest of the movie. Phew! He's not devoid of all sense, thankfully.

Fast forward to the scene at the end, where she is reunited with Sam (no spoiler alert, because this shit is predictable as hell), and voila! She is in 8-inch heels once again! Did she somehow have time to change into heels during her life-threatening ordeal? Are her shoes transformers? Doubt it. More likely, Bay is of the opinion that a female character cannot be truly complete without being elevated on ridiculous shoes, at the expence of practicality. Shocker.

At the happy-ending (no, not the Thai-massage kind) part of the movie, New Girl and Sam are reunited and embrace lovingly. Bumble-Bee, subtle as he is, looms between then, drops a few metal rings on the ground, and plays the wedding march while they're being all smoochy.

Unsurprisingly, New Girl is alight with glee and apparently overjoyed at the mere suggestion of a wedding, while Sam is all, "Whoa, slow down!".

Really? A world famous director cannot bring himself to stray from over-done stereotypes?

Drown yourself, Michael Bay. Nobody needs your patriarchal, chauvinistic bullshit. This is the 21st century. Try and keep up.