Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Transformers 3 - Michael Bay is all kinds of chauvinist pig.

Last night I went and watched Transformers 3 - Dark of the Moon.

Now, I love Transformers, usually. But Michael Bay, the steaming turd, ruined what would otherwise have been an epic movie, by inserting his pointless sexist bullshit.

At first I didn't really care that he replaced Megan Fox with a similarly smoking hot girl who is way out of Shia LaBeouf's league. But I just lost my shit when it came to pass that this one was even more of a useless prop than the last one.

At least the earlier Transformers movies had Megan Fox DO something. Drive a truck backwards through rubble-littered streets, with a crippled transformer shooting shit to hell? That was badass. She contributed, at the very least. Even though she did it in skimpy outfits, perfect makeup, and suggestive body language, she contributed. 

New Girl, on the other hand... she is there to look sexy, to play the hapless victim, to provide the male lead an opportunity to show off his machismo, and to be the naive girl who accepts a Mercedes from her boss and believes that his intentions are purely platonic. The entirety of her dialogue consists of this;
 "Saaaave meeee Saaaammm!"

She is about a foot taller than him. SAVE YOURSELF, YOU AMAZONIAN IDIOT.

And what's more, not only does she do nothing of value in the entire movie, she actually hinders the main character in his noble pursuits.

"NO, Sam, don't go and save your friend! Stay here with meee!", all whilst clinging to his arm like an abandoned toddler.

In a pathetic and misguided attempt to add substance to this girl's dialogue, Bay then has her totter up to Megatron and tell him that he is Sentinel's bitch.

Oh, wise move! It's not as though the dude has a gigantic metal fist trained on your dainty little face, or anything. Do you have a death wish?

The only reason she isn't smushed like an insect? A convenient and timely distraction, so she can scurry away unscathed. Charming.

During the scenes where she is running to escape monstrous metal beasts, I was at least relieved to see that they did not have her attempt that in the ridiculous high heels she'd been wearing for the rest of the movie. Phew! He's not devoid of all sense, thankfully.

Fast forward to the scene at the end, where she is reunited with Sam (no spoiler alert, because this shit is predictable as hell), and voila! She is in 8-inch heels once again! Did she somehow have time to change into heels during her life-threatening ordeal? Are her shoes transformers? Doubt it. More likely, Bay is of the opinion that a female character cannot be truly complete without being elevated on ridiculous shoes, at the expence of practicality. Shocker.

At the happy-ending (no, not the Thai-massage kind) part of the movie, New Girl and Sam are reunited and embrace lovingly. Bumble-Bee, subtle as he is, looms between then, drops a few metal rings on the ground, and plays the wedding march while they're being all smoochy.

Unsurprisingly, New Girl is alight with glee and apparently overjoyed at the mere suggestion of a wedding, while Sam is all, "Whoa, slow down!".

Really? A world famous director cannot bring himself to stray from over-done stereotypes?

Drown yourself, Michael Bay. Nobody needs your patriarchal, chauvinistic bullshit. This is the 21st century. Try and keep up.


  1. I dont know how Bay is still working. All of his movies have the same cliches, and a total lack of originality. I havent seen Transformers yet, but I'm sure i'll be just as angry as you.

  2. I'm glad I'm not the only one who wanted to beat Michael Bay with a copy of the "Feminist Mystique" after watching this.

    I just kept thinking, "Really, this amazon needs the kid from 'Even Stevens' to save her? She's got at least a foot on him."

  3. And this is why I didn't see Transformers 3. This was all previously predicted just from the trailers.

  4. Poker; :D <3

    Allie; RIGHT?! WTFF.

    Angela; Probably should have watched the trailer.

    Still, Optimus Prime is my boyfran.

  5. Transformers -all 3 of them- are utter poo. But, it's target market is not you -it's 15-25 year old boys- so don't be surprised at the inclusion of an attractive but massively stupid clothehorse. In conclusion, if you're looking for positive female roles you're not going to find it in these types of films.

  6. One of my very close friends told me that the heroine's ass is shown more than any transformer in this movie. As a true fan, I skipped it!!

  7. Goodness, I take it you spoiled your readership on purpose for the sake of your anger getting out through your writing, yes? This is where I'm getting from you but anyway I'm wanting you to make a response. I'll be waiting for your latest blog post, if you want you can check out my latest post.

  8. Fizz; I know, but there's no earthly reason WHY a 15-25 year old male audience simply MUST be shown stupid women. Really, there isn't. All boys care about is that they're hot. They can be hot AND useful without anyone giving a shit. Positive female roles don't need to be relegated to movies catering for a female audience. Conclusion; Michael Bay is a massive jerkoff.

    Nandana; Well, actually I noticed that this New Girl's body isn't shown/sexualised as much as Megan Fox's was. Still, it's a shitty character. And I totally believe Fox when she says Michael Bay is hard to work with because he's fucking sexist.

    Moderate; How did I spoil my readership? Do you mean I gave away the ending? Only a moron wouldn't know how it ends. I obviously didn't give away anything relevant to the plot.

  9. Ole' Sweet Hannah,

    If your intent was to review this film then you did your readership a total disservice by spoiling them the ending and other deep aspects of the story. If you have to something negative to say about the film then do so in a professional manner. Anyway, how's your day been?

  10. I usually can't watch mainstream movies because I just get pissed off at how women are depicted.

    I actually don't mind as much when the female is useless except as eye candy, because at least most people accept that as being "wrong." No, the bit I hate *most* is when the main female is all bitch-face hard-to-get, amazing at everything, super-model perfect, can rebuild a truck engine while hacking into the pentagon, whipping up some mean-ass pancakes and beating up blackbelts blindfolded. And then she inevitably goes on to get caught by the bad guy and needs her perky, muscular ass saved by (the significantly less-talented) main male character, whom she immediately falls in love with.

    THAT shit bothers me, because it's just as misogynist and disgusting as the former, but people turn around and sing high praises about how this character is "a strong female rolemodel." Rolemodel my fucking ass. What's so admirable about being nothing more than an unattainable male fantasy that virtually begs to be tamed and turned into a proper lady?

  11. Moderate; You're a trolling idiot, and your comments will no longer be published. This is not a review per se, this is not a movie-review blog, and as I already said, everybody with half a brain knows the ending. Have you ever watched these movies? I'm guessing not. Nobody needs your opinions, ESPECIALLY when they are impervious to reasonable explanations.

    Nano; I fucking hate that too, it is LUDICROUS. I didn't watch the entirety of Salt, for example, but she's this awesome spy, and in the original story, she's supposed to save her husband.. but they thought that that would insult mens' machismo too much, so they had her husband save her instead. WTF. Go and die. I don't know what hollywood is on, sci-fi movies often HAVE strong female role-models, and has their male fanbase done any worse for it? No. Screw mainstream hollywood.

  12. So you went to transformers 3 and you expected.. what exactly? All that CGI computer power wasted on some robots in a shitty story.

    Rise of the planet of the apes, now that rocked. Good story, great, subtle GCI and a hot and smart female lead. They actually took the premise of a total B-movie and turned it into gold.

  13. first time here - actually I just watched transformers 3... now, I came across your report and do like it - why must most of them characters be so predictable shit -i totally go with you infidel. forget it "anonymous moderate" wrong place to be important. i'm being aware the film is based on a toy made by people who probably like the G.I. Joe world model. AH but i should stop now - only wanted to slap moderate. ciao

  14. So true. I can't stand how all the major blockbusters have such crappy female characters. Is it the writers? Or the audience that keeps going to these shitty movies?


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